Trustworthiness is the sum of credibility, reliability and intimacy, divided by self-orientation. This equation explains why it’s more important to care than to always be right.
Naming can be used to check even big assumptions because naming doesn’t claim that anything is true. “Sounds like” doesn’t argue that something is true, just that it seemed like that to the listener.
Feeling like the thing we’re doing is sufficiently important is key. It’s not enough to know it’s important; we must feel that it’s important. This is something that a good leader, trainer or therapist can help you with.
Using an echo allows the listener to understand that you didn’t quite understand that one bit. However, the echo doesn’t claim that the other person’s explanation was somehow bad. It asks for clarification, but at the same time leaves it open what information, or how much, they should add.
The co-founder and co-CEO of Atlassian Mike Cannon-Brookes tells us how Imposter Syndrome has been with him from the beginning of his career and has never eased.
“The central task of psychotherapy with impostors is to lessen the client’s dependence on others’ positive evaluations for his or her self-esteem and to build a more internalized sense of self-worth.”
In short, a person suffering from Imposter Syndrome is not able to see themselves as skilled or able – despite that fact that they may be managing their work and life just fine.
When caught up with imposter thoughts, a person creates themselves a completely unattainable and unsustainable ‘competence ideal’. Trying to live up to this ideal feeds the creation of yet more imposter feelings.
How about when once I simply told my customer “no” and they took it just fine? Does this prove that your “yes, and” tool is actually not needed at all?
Are you one of those people, for whom NO comes naturally and is more or less your default reaction? Take a step to the next level and learn to say no without saying no.