Sometimes we hear whatever

We are used to trusting our observations and memories. In reality, our observations are subjective and our memory has holes in it. When we think back on a past event, our memory can only recall crumbs, from which we form a story in our head that feels pleasant or that makes sense.

All of us harp on about things sometimes

The more we worry or get frustrated, the more likely we begin to harp on about an issue. We repeat ourselves in the hope of being heard. If this doesn’t seem to help, though, what should we do?

When emotion takes over, thinking and communication stumble

When a louder feeling takes over within us, our concentration focuses on that. Our own feelings and needs demand our attention. We can no longer put ourselves in other people’s shoes. In these moments, communication usually begins to stumble.

Separate interpretations from observations

Separating interpretations from observations sounds like an easy task, but is more difficult in practice. We think of ourselves as reliable, objective and neutral narrators whose observations are true. However, our own interpretative framework always affects our observations.

You don’t listen – No, I don’t obey

You’d think it’s obvious whether someone is listening to me or whether I’m listening or not. Yet I’ve repeatedly stumbled into disagreements about listening in my personal life, at work and in literature.

How to get rid of perfectionism

Perfectionism may lead to exhaustion and stagnation, and it can hinder learning and development, impede progress, and cause procrastination, anxiety and stress. But how can you get rid of it?

Summarizing is a good listener’s superpower

Simply put, summarizing is repeating the other person’s narrative to them briefly and in your own words. Let’s delve a bit deeper, though: why, how and for what purpose you can use summarizing.

The Observation + Impact feedback model

In my everyday life, I’ve noticed that the most usable model for giving feedback is a simple observation + impact model. It’s simple enough to be understandable and still demanding enough that you have to think about how you give feedback.

Other people’s behaviour doesn’t make us angry

“Other people’s behaviour doesn’t make us angry? Of course it does. It happens almost every day!” We are accustomed to thinking that it is people’s behaviour that makes us angry and thus, that it is bad behaviour. In reality, our reaction is not universal or inevitable.

Perfectionism Does More Harm than Good

Many secretly view perfectionism as a good thing. However, this perception is flawed. Perfectionism is not driven by a healthy desire to excel as a professional and produce high-quality work. Instead, at the core of perfectionism lies an incessant fear of inadequacy.