In my everyday life, I’ve noticed that the most usable model for giving feedback is a simple observation + impact model. It’s simple enough to be understandable and still demanding enough that you have to think about how you give feedback.
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Other people’s behaviour doesn’t make us angry
“Other people’s behaviour doesn’t make us angry? Of course it does. It happens almost every day!” We are accustomed to thinking that it is people’s behaviour that makes us angry and thus, that it is bad behaviour. In reality, our reaction is not universal or inevitable.
Perfectionism Does More Harm than Good
Many secretly view perfectionism as a good thing. However, this perception is flawed. Perfectionism is not driven by a healthy desire to excel as a professional and produce high-quality work. Instead, at the core of perfectionism lies an incessant fear of inadequacy.
Let’s Save the Meetings!
Are there too many people in the meetings you attend, just to be safe? Is there no agenda, the topic is unclear and no one quite knows what’s the point of the meeting? Is no one listening but doing other work during the meeting? Let’s save the meetings!
“What Do You Do If…”
Speakers and trainers often receive very good if incredibly general questions from their audiences. It took me a long time to realise why answering these always felt like grasping at straws and why the asker didn’t always seem very pleased with the answer.
People harp on about things when they don’t feel listened to
Sometimes you just can’t get your point across. You get frustrated. The other person harps on and on, and sticks to their own point like week-old chewing gum. How many times, and in how many different ways, must you express something before it’s finally accepted?
That one person is just sooo difficult
It’s easy to label a person who feels negative as a killjoy and a nuisance without considering any further what drives their behaviour. But what makes someone be the person who always sees the risks and threats, and who always asks the irritating and difficult questions?
It’s dangerous to strive for flawlessness
If someone never makes mistakes, it can, in theory, mean that they’re a supreme being alike to an omnipotent god. However, it’s more likely that they’re someone who plays it safe and polishes their work ad nauseum.
It can’t make you angry if it’s the truth, right?
The truth hurts and shames us, which leads to indignation, defensiveness and even attacks. That’s why before voicing criticism it pays off to consider if the relationship is strong enough for critique, if you’ve done your homework well enough and if your phrasing is sufficiently tactful.
You get better feedback by asking for it
Ask for precise and specific feedback on a topic you’ve chosen yourself to work on. Then it’s easier for people to give you useful and concrete feedback, and it’s easier for you to receive it and use it to improve yourself.