“So that X understands” is an impossible assignment. We cannot know for sure how somebody understands. So it is hideous instruction, although the one who gave it, cannot be blamed.
Negotiation jujitsu is a skill anyone can, and probably should, learn. But it is true that introverts have many intrinsic characteristics that are beneficial in a negotiation.
The better you know the values of the people you’re talking to, the easier it is to choose the right arguments to win them over. And the better you know yours, the faster you recognise when you try to convince yourself instead of the other.
It is actually possible that your boss, team leader, colleague and spouse have no idea what kind of damage they produce if they interrupt you in the middle of your work. Tell it to them!
Shame makes us think we are bad, guilt helps us grow, humiliation makes us angry and embarrassment makes us laugh in the end. Each is a vital feeling, though you can get stuck in shame and that is not a good thing.
Is feedback the next most important skill to learn and why does ti cause so strong emotions? Watch the lightning talk from WordCamp Nordic 2019 event.
If you were a hostage negotiator and you would be sitting around a table waiting intently for a phone to ring, in what position would you be sitting?
Human beings come with three different triggers that activate when we receive feedback. Either we feel that the feedback is unreasonable or simply wrong, it comes from a wrong person or it threatens our identity.
When the one asking the question cannot tell, what mayhem of thoughts, calculations and scenarios is piling up in your head and the answer is just being processed, he doesn’t have the patience to wait for the answer.
If you feel a panicky urge to reassure the customer of your own expertise you might forget one of the most effective tools. By asking the right questions we bring our knowledge forth better than simply having all the right answers.