We try to show that we care by giving advice. However when faced with a tough situation we rarely need advice. More often we need someone to be there without judging, pitying or advicing.
First you became aware, then you can start to develop
We upgrade our computers once every few years and operating systems and applications every second day. Yet we tend to forget the mindware that operates our everyday lives.
The quality of our communication is not completely in our own hands. How we listen to, interact with and understand others is not just our conscious decision. And even if we’d like to tell ourselves otherwise, we don’t have complete control over our own behavior.
From our childhood until today we have picked up different rules, beliefs and habits which have quite a determining role in defining how we will behave in any given situation. The good news is, that we grow and change throughout our lives. It is possible to consciously affect this mindware. That is why the most important work to develop your communication skills is done by developing your mindset.
Start with these
When I concentrate on my breathing I’m attached to my body which is attached to this moment. This is necessary starting point to be able to develop your thinking.
These too are worth your while
Though we consider ourselves rational and thinking creatures, we have quite a collection of biases and misleading heuristics. It’s necessary to become aware of the weaknesses in our thinking to be kinder and more understanding towards yourself and others. Kahneman, Nobel price winner in economics, will keep you humble.
One of the many unhelpful thoughts, that nests in our head, is that vulnerability is weakness. When in fact admitting and showing your vulnerability makes you courageous, trustworthy and attractive. If you try to live your entire life hiding your vulnerability, you end up not living fully.