Update your mindware

Not all your thoughts are true. You are not the same as your thoughts. That’s it. But why should you internalise this?

When a louder feeling takes over within us, our concentration focuses on that. Our own feelings and needs demand our attention. We can no longer put ourselves in other people’s shoes. In these moments, communication usually begins to stumble.

Perfectionism may lead to exhaustion and stagnation, and it can hinder learning and development, impede progress, and cause procrastination, anxiety and stress. But how can you get rid of it?

Many secretly view perfectionism as a good thing. However, this perception is flawed. Perfectionism is not driven by a healthy desire to excel as a professional and produce high-quality work. Instead, at the core of perfectionism lies an incessant fear of inadequacy.

Speakers and trainers often receive very good if incredibly general questions from their audiences. It took me a long time to realise why answering these always felt like grasping at straws and why the asker didn’t always seem very pleased with the answer.

If someone never makes mistakes, it can, in theory, mean that they’re a supreme being alike to an omnipotent god. However, it’s more likely that they’re someone who plays it safe and polishes their work ad nauseum.

If a thought feels uncomfortable, we immediately interpret that to mean it’s a bad idea. Then we come up with logical and rational explanations for why an idea that feels bad is a bad idea. However, we shouldn’t.

Listening requires practice and uses up energy. That’s why it’s a good idea to practice listening for five minutes every day. You’ll get more out of your practice if you choose beforehand which area of listening you’re going to be practicing, with whom and when.

Because we fear that our communication might fail, we panic about our responses, we don’t admit that we don’t understand, we try to be too fast and always right. All of this takes the focus away from the situation and shifts it to ourselves. However, the answer can’t be found within us.

Feeling like the thing we’re doing is sufficiently important is key. It’s not enough to know it’s important; we must feel that it’s important. This is something that a good leader, trainer or therapist can help you with.