How about when once I simply told my customer “no” and they took it just fine? Does this prove that your “yes, and” tool is actually not needed at all?
Do I really have to argue? Couldn’t I just focus on my work?
Sorry to be the party killer but you already know that you can’t.
More often than not we need to win others over and reason our decisions and solutions. We are forced to explain our work to people who don’t have the faintest idea what it is that we do and why the thing we just did is the best thing ever.
Sometimes those people are our bosses who stare at us over the table in our one-to-one. Other times it is the colleague (or spouse), who simply will not listen. Most often it is the customer, who has strong opinions but little knowledge of the matter at hand.
The less the other participant seems to understand us, the colder the sweat that creeps down your spine. What else is there to do? What else can I possibly say?
Start with these
Stop the press! It is time to add some new things on the agenda of your next Monday meeting. If your boss was in the Nordic Business Forum, there are the themes, problems and ideas you should bring up with her now when the time is right.
We would of course prefer if only the content of the speech would matter. But the truth is, we don’t trust a speaker who doesn’t have a convincing body language. The good new is, we have been born with an ability to stand convincingly.
When you want the decision maker to be on your side, it is important to address the right person in the meeting. The one who actually affects the decision – instead of the nice dude, who already agrees with you.
“So that X understands” is an impossible assignment. We cannot know for sure how somebody understands. So it is hideous instruction, although the one who gave it, cannot be blamed.
Negotiation jujitsu is a skill anyone can, and probably should, learn. But it is true that introverts have many intrinsic characteristics that are beneficial in a negotiation.
The better you know the values of the people you’re talking to, the easier it is to choose the right arguments to win them over. And the better you know yours, the faster you recognise when you try to convince yourself instead of the other.
When the one asking the question cannot tell, what mayhem of thoughts, calculations and scenarios is piling up in your head and the answer is just being processed, he doesn’t have the patience to wait for the answer.
If you feel a panicky urge to reassure the customer of your own expertise you might forget one of the most effective tools. By asking the right questions we bring our knowledge forth better than simply having all the right answers.
Yes, but… What if there needs to be a but? But what if the other person is simply wrong? What if I disagree completely?
These too are worth your while
This somewhat old and largely quoted TED talk is what they call a cornerstone content. The message is clear: people don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it. So in order to sell, to inspire action, to win people over you need to start with why. That is how great leaders inspire action, but it is also how we as human beings inspire action. So start by watching this TED talk from 2009 to start with why.
What do powerful speakers around the world and across centuries have in common? They talk a lot about others, quite little about themselves. The green, blue, red movement has analysed influential speeches. It helps you to assess the tone and content of your speech and how it affects the outcome. Watch the excellent talk at TEDx Turku by Esteve Pannetier from 2013.