Annoyance is a part of life, and simply to be expected. Getting annoyed is not a sign that everything is ruined but a sign that everything is as it should be.
Blog
Giving a context improves conversation quality
Context, that is, why we are hearing this thing, improves conversation quality. The speaker gets a better response, and the listener is able and knows how to listen better.
“I’m just being honest!”
If our intent is to have a productive discussion, it’s not enough to be honest. You also must be constructive, compassionate and understanding. Without these, honesty will probably only wreak havoc.
What to do when someone annoys you?
Sometimes people annoy us, and we can’t do anything about it. But even if you accept this as a part of life, you’re still left with the fact that you’re annoyed. So what can you do about your annoyance?
You ≠ your thoughts
Not all your thoughts are true. You are not the same as your thoughts. That’s it. But why should you internalise this?
Sometimes we hear whatever
We are used to trusting our observations and memories. In reality, our observations are subjective and our memory has holes in it. When we think back on a past event, our memory can only recall crumbs, from which we form a story in our head that feels pleasant or that makes sense.
All of us harp on about things sometimes
The more we worry or get frustrated, the more likely we begin to harp on about an issue. We repeat ourselves in the hope of being heard. If this doesn’t seem to help, though, what should we do?
When emotion takes over, thinking and communication stumble
When a louder feeling takes over within us, our concentration focuses on that. Our own feelings and needs demand our attention. We can no longer put ourselves in other people’s shoes. In these moments, communication usually begins to stumble.
Separate interpretations from observations
Separating interpretations from observations sounds like an easy task, but is more difficult in practice. We think of ourselves as reliable, objective and neutral narrators whose observations are true. However, our own interpretative framework always affects our observations.
You don’t listen – No, I don’t obey
You’d think it’s obvious whether someone is listening to me or whether I’m listening or not. Yet I’ve repeatedly stumbled into disagreements about listening in my personal life, at work and in literature.