I’ve evolved when it comes to how I think about people who somehow rub me the wrong way.
- First, I thought that if I think someone is annoying, it is their fault.
- Then, I thought that if I think someone is annoying, it is my fault (because my annoyance is due to my own interpretation, not the other person’s actions).
- Finally, I’ve come to a point where I think that being annoyed by people is a feature of our lives and no one’s fault.
Differences annoy us
The closer we get to living in a total echo chamber, the likelier it is that no one annoys us. Among sameness, it’s easy to be and act. Of course, in the long run even among similar people, someone usually manages to irritate, annoy, frustrate or downright anger us. Nevertheless, for the most part life is pretty jovial.
If, on the other hand, we are among different kinds of people, it’s easier to find something to be annoyed about. People who think and act differently cause friction against what we think is Right and Proper. This friction usually creates annoyance. It would be easy (at least on an emotional level) to draw the conclusion that increasing differences is a bad thing.
Diversity is a matter of skill
We know that difference is worth pursuing when we put together teams and organisations. Diversity increases ideas and innovations, improves the quality of thinking and also helps us see the world from more perspectives. Diversity enriches us – even if it sometimes also annoys us.
Unfortunately, we don’t often talk enough about how increasing diversity also unavoidably increases the need for, and challenges to, communication and teamwork.
Difference brings in the need to have constructive dialogues, fit together varying ways of doing and seeing things. It requires more communication about the common goal and aims as well as firm intervention in situations where difference threatens to cause more serious conflicts.
These skills are necessary in all teams, but especially those that are composed of a lot of different people.
Annoyance is a part of life
It would be easy to think that before, everything was right and well, when no one and nothing annoyed us. Instead, it’s useful to consider annoyance a logical consequence of increased friction. Friction is a sign that we no longer live in an echo chamber but have different thinkers and actors among ourselves.
Annoyance is then par for the course, and something you can expect to happen. Getting annoyed is not a sign that everything is ruined but a sign that everything is as it should be. We cannot live our lives in a way that avoids all the moments of annoyance, and that’s not the goal either.
Someone sometimes annoying us is a feature of our lives.
TL;DR Sometimes life should annoy us
- People being annoying is a part of our lives.
- People who think and act differently annoy us more easily and more commonly than people who are similar to us.
- In teams and organisations, diversity has a lot of advantages, so removing differences is not a solution.
- Difference requires more communication about the common goal and aims, as well as fitting together differing views and ways of acting.
- Annoyance is par for the course, and something you can expect to happen.